Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
