I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
