if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
