apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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