I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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