She announced her abortion via fbk
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
