Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
