Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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