I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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