I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
