DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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