Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
