The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
how drunk are you?
Several
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
