if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
