My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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