her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
