I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
