You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
