make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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