Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I came so hard my ears popped.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
