it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Text me some of your sweat
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
