He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
