saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
