There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Swine flu is the new snow day.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
