Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
