Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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