why didn't you poke me back
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
