There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
