he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
