I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
