Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
