Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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