Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
