You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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