i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
