I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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