Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
