so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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