I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
