it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
