I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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