i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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