Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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