Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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