so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
