Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
