Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
