I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
