I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
