Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
