the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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