I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
