Don't make out with my wife yet
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
