Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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