So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
